Chibis Gone Wild!
by chaosbfly
Summary: The Sequel to When Chibis Attack! How would their time stuck as helpless and adorable miniatures effect the Nefarious Four, even after their return to normal? Will that drunk ever sober up? Find out!
1. Because I Can

**Chibis Gone Wild!**

**Warning:** This fic contains bad language. Realisticly, though, it's a Saiyuki fic: if you've read the manga or seen the anime, you've probably figured out what Sanzo's favorite word is by now. So, yes, there will be drinking, smoking, foul language, and assorted other bad behaviour, though I will do my darnedest to stay within the PG-13 range. It shouldn't be a problem, as long as Gojyo doesn't get out the door.

And none of it is mine. Kazuya Minekura owns them all.

Except the drunk. She's more mine than I'm willing to admit at this point in my therapy.

**Other Warning:** This fic is the sequel to **When Chibis Attack!**, which can be found from my profile, and is still in the process of being posted. Yes, I can do that. No, it won't spoil the un-posted parts of first one. However, you might want to read the first fic first, or this one will make as much sense as a glass hedgehog. Still, I've been told **Attack!** is too damn cute for words, so perhaps it'll do you some good.

Now, on with the show! Whoop-de-frickin'-do.

* * *

**Chibis Gone Wild!**

**Chapter 1: Because I Can.**

It's a beautiful afternoon in Togenkyo. A few wispy clouds are blown thin, and stretched over the pinkening horizon by the southern wind. The sun rides its golden chariot in their direction: ever westward, into the dusk. Even the lone string of geese cutting a wedge through the clear blue sky travel west by some accident of migration.

Neither Sanzo, nor any of his travelling companions note these forces ofnature urging them on towards their globally important goal.

That's because they're indoors. And, to an individually greater or lesser degree, they are drunk.

* * *

"More. Now." 

"But sir, don't you think you've had enough?"

"Ah ha ha ha... don't worry, miss. You'll know when he's had enough. You see, his head will hit the table with an unmistakeable 'clunking' noise."

"Hakkai, shut the hell up. Just get me more beer, woman."

* * *

It is possible that the gods hadn't considered the effect on the religious inclinations of their followers when they installed Genjyo Sanzo as priest. As an example, the barmaid, once rather devout, is now considering atheism due to her brief encounter with Buddhism's emminent representative. This is not an unusual response. 

Sanzo would have been proud to hear it. His Employers, on the other hand, may be a little perturbed(#).

That perturbation, at least, would explain the next rumbling from Sha Gojyo - valiently slumped in his chair, piling beer cans in a prophetic replica of yet-milleniums-future Tokyo Tower.

So spake Friar Sand:

"Hey, Sanzo. Remember that chick? Whatshername, you know. The girl.

* * *

In a testament to the sheer quantity of alcohol that Sanzo has consumed, he takes a minute to formulate a sufficiently witty reply. 

"Unlike you, you perverted Kappa," he eventually declares, "I don't keep a catalogue of everything that looks female along the side of the road. So, no. I probably don't remember."

"No, no." Gojyo continues, unfazed by this carefully assembled rejoinder. "You'd remember her. She had a book you liked."

* * *

The brief, yet notable pause recurrs. Then: 

"I can't recall anything female, in possession of reading material, of any kind, that I have enjoyed, since the last... oh... lifetime. I'm a monk, asswipe! If it's not a sutra or the paper, it's a waste of my time!"

Sanzo punctuates this statement with a definitive chug of his beer, followed by crushing the can on the table.

In terms of the Drunked Orator, that is Q.E.D..

* * *

Still, Gojyo persists in persisting. The doggedness of his train of thought has caught Hakkai's attention, and now he, too, is trying to remember a woman with a book - any book - that Gojyo might have found noteworthy. 

Goku continues to eat. This hardly deserves recording, except to note that he is there, and he is alive. Hence, he is eating.

* * *

Gojyo-zilla knocks over part of Togenkyo Tower, and then begins to rebuild it. But his speech continues: 

"No. You'd remember her. You loved that book. You know the one..."

* * *

Far to the west. a jar breaks. A powerful prince turns towards it, eyes widening in terror. 

It fell off the shelf. He was nowhere near it.

He certainly wasn't trying to get at the contents.

He didn't try to take the cookies!

* * *

But back in Togenkyo, only Gojyo can be heard in the sudden silence. 

"You know... the one with Kittens on it."

* * *

_(#)Footnote_: Then again, rabid atheism is also the most common reaction reported by devout believers upon meeting the Merciful Goddess her/himself, apparently due to his/her wandering hands. Perhaps this is all part of the Plan...

* * *

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* * *

Short chapters will be normal for this fic. I have to sleep at _some_ time, you know. 

I bet you all want to know where the chibis are.

Don't worry. They're coming. Slowly. Short little legs, you know.


	2. Because They Do

**Chapter 2: Because They Do.**

Sanzo stands so abruptly that all eyes in the bar turn to him. The inebriated stares and comments go unnoticed by Sanzo, however, as he is lost in some inner vista.

He leaves: not a word, and hardly a stagger.

But not before Goku looks up from his food long enough to say, "Hey, yeah! That was a great story!"

* * *

"How the hell would you know?" Gojyo slurs in rebuttal. "You never stayed awake through the whole thing!" 

"So? It had a great beginning, and Sanzo said it had a happy ending!"

"Not all happy endings are good endings, idiot..."

"Both of you, stop!"

* * *

Like magic, they stop. 

It's the Voice. Hakkai can threaten evisceration with a tone, not even a word, or a facial expression. He could _hum_ 'I'm going to eat your liver.'

It tends to evoke cooperation.

* * *

Gojyo and Goku sit, hands politely folded, deeply attached to their respective livers. 

"Gojyo. I thought we'd agreed never to mention that Time again."

Gojyo hangs his drunken head, "I know..."

"Now you've upset Sanzo. We'll have to go and find him."

"Relax, Hakkai. He's probably just gone back to the hotel."

* * *

Hakkai sighs, and tries to stretch the tension out of his neck. "I'm sorry. But those are... disturbing memories for me as well. Aren't they for you?" 

Gojyo studies his beer can with intensity, then sets it on the table with exaggerated gentleness. "Yeah. I guess."

"Then that settles it. Don't mention it again, just as we agreed. You, too, Goku. Just let it drop."

"Hm. Okay." Goku doesn't understand, but Goku agrees anyway, and that's normal enough. Agree, and no one smacks you.

* * *

They pay up and head out the door. High above, even the wispy clouds are disappearing, leaving the sky a smooth-glazed bowl. 

Gojyo gazes absently up into it and mutters:

"But we were so damn cute!"

---

Thousands of miles and thousands of years away, someone else is very, very drunk.

She smiles happily in her quiet, little house and settles into a chair with a book and a tall glass of mostly rum.

The book is thick, wordy, deep and contains no pictures at all -

...unlike the one that remains tucked away on its low bookshelf. You know the one, "The Little Kitten Who Could."

* * *

The rum is consumed almost reflexively, a kind of charm to wards off thoughts of sparkling eyes and attempted huggings. 

She snorts derisively at a passage in her book: "Extensions of subconscious thought, my ass! The guys a drunk, and he writes like a drunk. Get over it!"

This literary criticism echoes unchallenged through the empty house. And that's how she likes it: quiet, empty, unchallenging.

...though, sometimes...

Again, reflexive consumption of booze drowns out the whimpers of uncertainty.

---

Back at the mythic hotel, Genjyo Sanzo, great Buddhist icon, is once again drinking with determination.

Bad times, bad memories: Sanzo is full of them. All his bad memories are carefully tucked into separate mental files, ready to be taken out and examined for yet-more evidence of his personal weakness.

But none of them are as - disturbing? Humiliating? How to label the file for those days puzzles him still. The uncertainty troubles him, and he drowns the troubles desperately.

* * *

'I am a scary, cold-hearted bastard.' Sanzo thinks, with the precise care of the very-drunk-going-on-unconcious. 'I kill people. Often. I'm mean to people just because I can be. Because I don't give a damn what they think, and I don't need their help. I don't care if they even exist.' 

'_So what_ if I like kittens?'

* * *

He blinks.

* * *

He stares out the window in pure concentration. He carefully wipes his mind clear through meditation and more booze. 

'Everyone likes kittens.'

* * *

He can't stop the thought. Bright sunshine does nothing to improve his mood. He is a cold-blooded killer, he doesn't care about people... 

'But it's pre-programmed into the human psyche to like kittens. That's why I like... I mean, it's not possible _not_ to like...'

"Damn it all." He mutters aloud, crushing the next beer can. He desperately tries to push all thoughts of the picture in his wallet out of his mind.

Cute though it is.

* * *

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* * *

And lo, a supplicant appeared prostrate before the gods, a plate of cookies high above his or her head. 

So spake the supplicant, "Please accept this gift, and continue to grace us with your hysterical writings."

The gods were greatly chuffed, and blushed a bit. Then they said, "So be it, CelticShadow27, you little kiss-up that you are. It will be written."

And verily, there was an update, small though it was. And the gods munched upon the cookies of the gift offering, and patted themselves on the back.

Meanwhile, the writer sucked back the booze and cursed the gods for their ridiculous update policy.

And the Chibis rejoiced.


	3. Because She Is

**Chibis Gone Wild! **

**Chapter 3: Because She Is **

In a place so far away that the distance can only be measured in philosophy, the ironically-named Merciful Goddess (1) lowers his/her binoculars and pauses in contemplation. The smile that follows the period of consideration is purely reflexive. He (or she) raises a hand to touch his (or her) face, noting it's unexpected presence.

The simple, clean smile seems so out of character and out of place that its very existence causes the God(dess) to smile even wider.

(S)he places a hand lightly on the throne's arm, and searches the world for some cosmic re-runs: little things to refresh an unusual, and therefore welcome, memory.

Eternity is, above all things, boring. Kanzeon Bosatsu searches for a desperate moment of relief in the face of the unending.

Pausing, with a wallet-sized picture of a kitten in a raincoat in view, he (or she) squeals profoundly:

"They were so _adorable_!"

* * *

Far to the west, Kougaiji stalks back and forth through the darkened room. 

The memories: the confusion, the abandonment of his cause, the foolishness – madness, even! He can never forgive himself for being so thoroughly deceived. People _rely_ on him! And he wasted so much time _playing_…

But such thoughts are, in themselves, a waste of precious time. Crown Prince Kougaiji, only son of the great and terrible Gyumaoh, fights away the cobwebs of memory and decisively focuses on his mission.

If only that damn cookie jar hadn't broken! He had almost managed to forget…

_Still, they _were_ delicious…_

Kougaiji bursts out of the room, intent on action. Any action. Anything but chocolate chips!

* * *

"Now, Sanzo, that's your Rainy Day Face. You're wasting it on a beautiful day like today." Hakkai's cheerfulness makes Sanzo seem even more dark and gloomy. This is bizarrely comforting to Sanzo, whose thoughts had actually been suspiciously un-gloomy. 

"Shut the hell up. And pass me that beer." Sanzo is further pleased by the gruffness of his own voice.

"Don't you think it's time to stop?" Hakkai sets a single can in front of Sanzo, and puts the rest in the mini-fridge.

"I'll tell you when that time comes."

"Really – you don't want to end up an alcoholic living alone, do you?"

* * *

Sanzo's head snaps up. The sharpness of his gaze belies how completely wasted he is. 

Hakkai hasn't noticed. Or perhaps, Hakkai has noticed, and doesn't care. Or maybe, this was Hakkai's original intention. It's so hard to know, with Hakkai.

Eyes as green as the heart of a glacier meet Sanzo's, and the final option seems overwhelmingly likely.

"An alcoholic… like someone we know." Hakkai's smile widens and sets. Such a pretty face, such an ugly look.

* * *

A thousand years, a thousand miles and a sneeze. Another one. One more. 

"Dammit." And she rises to clean the spilled rum off her shirt. "I'd better not have a cold… though I don't know who I could have caught one from."

Ah, the joyful life of an alcoholic living alone!

Stumbling into the kitchen, changing her mind, stumbling down the hall… everything is vaguely out of focus. Her blood alcohol has finally gotten the victory over the more usual blood contents, and is now running the show.

"Screw it." You know you've finally drunk enough when getting another drink is just too much effort.

* * *

--footnote--

(1) The irony is that he/she is neither very merciful, nor entirely a god_dess_, if you get my meaning.

* * *

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* * *

I laughed my pants off when I discovered that the Hermaphrodite of Mercy in Saiyuki is actually _true to the original legend_. Really, I'm not kidding! Ancient Gender-Swapping! 

_When Chibis Attack!_ saw 500 reviews last week. I went out for dinner, had a little party, and bought myself presents. But you're the ones who did all the work, so my present for you is a few updates of this story alongside _Attack!_

I know. I'm cheap. But I love you…


	4. Because They're Shiny

**Chibis Gone Wild **

**Chapter 4: Because They're Shiny **

"What's wrong, big brother?" Lirin asks, eyes wide. "I only asked if you'd help me make a card for Yaone…"

Kougaiji clutches at his head, muttering quietly to himself: "No! I'm a youkai prince, dammit! I'm mysterious and ruthless! Ruthless!"

"Big Brother?" Lirin's wide-eyed confusion doesn't help his sanity at all. "It's just that Yaone hasn't been feeling too well, so I thought a card would be nice. Why can't you help me?"

Kougaiji's eyes are helplessly drawn to her round face, her huge, shining eyes.

"I've got everything ready." She adds helpfully. "I thought it might cheer you up to help, since you've been so gloomy lately."

"… I… _like_… gloomy…" Kougaiji's words fight their way out as his eyes flicker toward, then away from, Lirin's carefully assembled card-making paraphernalia.

"Aw, come on. Now you're just being grumpy. I know you'd love it. Look!" She turns and picks up a small container, presenting it with a flourish:

"Dokugakuji even found me some sparkles!"

* * *

The scream echoes. Moments later, a flying dragon shoots out of the tower as if the devil himself were on its back. 

Closer observation, however, might reveal that the devil is leaving a rather glittersome con-trail.

* * *

In the theoretically immense distance, the Merciful Goddess smiles.

"I just can't get _enough_ of those little guys!"

Jiroshin glances up from polishing the celestial silverware:

"Who what now?"

Kanzeon Bosatsu continues flipping through the pages of the past, oblivious to his inquiry.

Suddenly, the remote is set aside with alarming gentleness. She (or possibly he, check the weather to be sure) stands, and Jiroshin suppresses the urge to cower. Determination and the Holy Hermaphrodite have never been a good mix, but this is even a new kind of determination. Quiet and… thoughtful. Unbelievably thoughtful.

* * *

The brief silence shatters. 

"You know, I think we need some _new_ chapters."

"Uh… Lord Bosatsu? Saiyuki is still being produced. There _are_ more chapters…"

"I know, I know. I don't mean the big guys."

"Huh? Big? Whut?"

Fear grips Jiroshin by the holy hand-grenades as the Merciful Goddess turns to him. Her eyes sparkle like adorable supernovas, and her hands clutch each other under her chin.

"I mean the Chibis, silly!"

* * *

itsybitsyitsybitsyitsybitsyitsybitsyitsybitsyitsybitsyitsybitsyitsybitsyitsybitsyitsybitsy

* * *

I just had to post this. I find it deeply hilarious when taken with the Saccharine Cup from _Attack!_ There's something about Kougaiji's desperate attempt to resist the Call of the Sparkles… 

I've posted "**The Little Kitten Who Could**," linked from my profile. Now you can read Sanzo's favorite kitten book. Or hug it, whichever you prefer.

**Help! **

I have some works of original fiction, and I'm looking for a place to post them. seems to be flooded with crap, but doesn't allow anonymous comments. Which should I post at? Any ideas?


End file.
